March 15, 2010
Guilty, Guilty, Guilty!
The trial courts request your presence at the case of Musher v. Squirrel.
The defendant, Squirrel, is being charged with:
- Two counts of theft in the 4th degree
- Two counts of eluding an officer
- One count of injury to personal property
- Two counts of breaking and entering
Over the course of the past several weeks, the plaintiff, Musher, has seen the defendant trespassing on her property. Musher claims to have witnessed Squirrel chewing through multiple bags of dog food, resulting in damage to the bags. Musher claims that Squirrel had been caught red-handed on several occasions running away from the scene of the crime with cheeks and little tiny arms full of kibble.
The plaintiff submits the following evidence:
Exhibit A-
Squirrel was seen running from this damaged dog food bag. Both the plaintiff and Sheriff Melvin witnessed the alleged break-in. According to Sheriff Melvin, Squirrel ran away on foot and the sheriff was not able to detain him.
In an attempt to secure the dog food, Musher placed all remaining kibble into plastic boxes. This leads us to…
Exhibit B-
The box was clearly damaged by the teeth of a small rodent. There were blue plastic shavings in the snow adjacent to the box. Sheriff Melvin was on a stake-out and saw the whole thing. Squirrel made off again with an undetermined amount of kibble.
When Squirrel saw Sheriff Melvin, he ran from the scene, only to be cornered in a tree. Thus,
Exhibit C-
The defendant was captured on film by the plaintiff while Sheriff Melvin held his position. Squirrel has yet to be successfully detained. However, the judge hereby finds Squirrel guilty on all counts. Sentencing is pending capture of Squirrel.
Case closed.
